7
(in the car)
CELINE:
I was thinking, for me it's better I don't romanticize things as much anymore. I was suffering so much all the time. I still have lots of dreams, but they're not in regard to my love life. It doesn't make me sad, it's just the way it is.
JESSE:
Is that why you're in a relationship with somebody who's never around?
CELINE:
Hmm, yes, obviously I can't deal with the day-to-day life of a relationship. Yeah, we have, you know, this exciting time together and he leaves and I miss him, but at least I'm not dying inside. When someone is always around me, I'm like suffocating.
JESSE:
Wow, no, wait. You just said that you need to love and be loved.
CELINE:
Yeah, but when I do, it quickly makes me nauseous. It's a disaster. I mean, I'm really happy only when I'm on my own. Even being alone, it's better than sitting next to a lover and feeling lonely. It's not so easy for me to be a romantic. You start off that way and, after you've been screwed over a few times, you, you forget about all your delusional ideas and you just take what comes into your life. That's not even true. I haven't been screwed over, I've just had too many blah relationships. They weren't mean, they cared for me, but there were no real connection or excitement. At least, not from my side.
JESSE:
God, I'm sorry. Is it really that bad? It's not, right?
CELINE:
.....You know, it's not even that. I was, I was fine until I read your fucking book. It stirred shit up, you know? It reminded me how genuinely romantic I was, how I had so much hope in things, and, now it's like I don't believe in anything that relates to love. I don't feel things for people anymore. In a way, I put all my romanticism into that one night and I was never able to feel all this again. Like, somehow this night took things away from me and I expressed them to you, and you took them with you. It made me feel cold, like your love wasn't for me.
JESSE:
I don't, I don't belive that. I don't believe that.
CELINE:
You know what? Reality and love are almost contradictory for me. It's funny. Every single of my exes, they're now married. Men go out with me, we break up, and then they get married. And later they call me to thank me for teaching them what love is.
JESSE:
Oh, God....
CELINE:
And that I taught them to care and respect women.
JESSE:
Yeah, I think I'm one of those guys.
CELINE:
You know, I wanna kill them! Why didn't they ask me? I would have said no, but they at least could have asked! But it's my fault, I know it's my fault because I never felt it was the right man. Never. But what does it mean, the right man, the love of your life? The concept is absurd. The idea that we can only be complete with another person, it's evil, right?!
JESSE:
Can I talk?
CELINE:
You know, I guess I've been heartbroken too many times and then I recovered. so now, you know, from the starts, I make no effort. Because I know it's not gonna work out. I know it's not gonna work out.
JESSE:
You can't do that. You can't do that. you can't live your ife trying to avoid pain at the expense.....
CELINE:
Okay, you know what? Those are words. I've gotta, I've gotta get away from you. Stop the car, I wanna get out.
JESSE:
No, no-no-no, don't, don't do that.
CELINE:
It's, you know what? It's being around you, okay?
JESSE:
Keep talking.
CELINE:
Don't touch me! you know, I wanna get on a cab. (starts talking French to the driver)
JESSE:
No, no-no-no, keep going, keep, kee....Hey, Now listen, I'm just so happy...Thank you, just keep going.....Alright, look, I'm just so happy, alright, to be with you. I am. I'm so glad you didn't forget about me, okay?
CELINE:
No, I didn't. And it pisses me off, okay? You come here to Paris, all romantic, and married. Okay? Screw you! Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to get you or anything. I mean, all I need is a married man. Huh, there's been so much water under the bridge, it's, it's not even about you any more, it's about that time, the moment in time that's forever gone. I don't know.
JESSE:
You, you say all that, but you didn't even remember having sex, so....
CELINE:
Of course I remembered.
JESSE:
...You did?
CELINE:
Yes. Women pretend things like that. I don't know.
JESSE:
They do?
CELINE:
Yeah, what was I supposed to say? That I remember the wine in the park, and us looking up at the stars fading away as the sun came up? We had sex twice, you idiot!
JESSE:
...Alright, you know what? I'm just happy to see you. Even if you've become an angry, manic depressive activist, I still like you, I still enjoy being around you.
CELINE:
(laugh) Oh, I feel the same. I'm, I'm sorry, I don't know what happened, I just, I had to let it all out.
JESSE:
Don't worry about it.
CELINE:
I'm so miserable in my love life, in my relationship. I always act as, like, you know, I'm detached. But I'm dying inside. I'm dying because I'm so numb, I don't feel pain or excitement, I'm not even bitter, I'm just, uh....
JESSE:
You think you're the one dying inside? My life is 24/7 bad.
CELINE:
Hm, I'm sorry. (laugh)
JESSE:
(laugh) No, no, I mean, the only happiness I get is when I'm out with my son. I've been to marriage counseling, I've done things I never thought I would have to do. I've lit candles, bought self-help books, lingerie....
CELINE:
Did the candles help?
JESSE:
Hell, no. Alright? I don't love her the way she needs to be loved and, and I don't even see a future for us, but then I look at, at my little boy, sitting at the table across from me, and I think I'd suffer any torture to be with him for all the minutes of his life. You know, I don't wanna miss out on one. But then, there, there's no joy, or laughter in my home, you know? And I don't want him growing up in that.
CELINE:
Ah, no laughter? that's terrible. My parents have been together 35 years and even when they had a bad fight, they end up laughing like crazy.
JESSE:
yeah, I just, I don't wanna be one of those people who are getting divorced at 52 and falling down into tears, admitting that they never really loved their spouse, and they feel their life has been sucked up into a vacuum cleaner. You know, I want a great life. I want her to have a great life. she deserves that. Alright? But we're just living in the pretense of a marriage, responsibility, you know, all these, these ideas of how people are supposed to live....But then I, I had these dreams.
CELINE:
What dreams?
JESSE:
Oh, I have these dreams, you know, that, um, I'm standing on a platform....and, uh, you keep going by on a train. And, you go by, and you go by, you go by, you go by, and I wake up with the fucking sweats, you know? And then I have this other dream...Ohhh, where you're pregnant in bed, beside me naked, and I want so badly to touch you, but you tell me not to and you look away. And I, and I, I touch you anyway....right on your ankle, and your skin is so soft that I wake up in sobs, alright? And My wife is sitting there looking at me, and I feel I'm a million miles from her, and I know that there's something wrong, you know, that I, I could, uhh, God, I can't keep living like this, there's gotta be something moreto love than commitment. But then I think that I might have given up....on the whole idea of, you know, romantic love. That I, I might have put it to bed that, that day when you weren't there. You know, I think I might have done that.
CELINE:
.....Why are you telling me all this?
JESSE:
...I'm sorry. I don't know, I'm, I shouldn't, I....I shouldn't have.
CELINE:
....You know, it's so weird that people think they are the only one going through tough times. I mean, when I read the article, I thought your life was perfect. A wife, a kid, published author? But your personal life is more of a mess than mine. I'm sorry. (laugh)
JESSE:
...Well, I'm glad it's good for something.
CELINE:
(talk to the driver)
JESSE:
This, this is, this is where you live?
CELINE:
Yeah.
JESSE:
So, uh, you're just relieved that I'm in even more deep shit than you are?
CELINE:
Yes. You've made me feel better.
JESSE:
Oh, good. I'm glad.
CELINE:
(laugh) No, I really wish you the best. It's not because I'm incapable of having a good relationship or a family, that I wish everyone to be doomed like me.
JESSE:
I'm sure you'd make, be a great mom someday.
CELINE:
Really? You think so?
JESSE:
Yeah, a few antidepressants, you know, you'll do great.
CELINE:
(laugh) Oh, no. Okay, say stop.
JESSE;
Ugmmm, stop.
CELINE:
Uh-uh!
JESSE:
Hey!
CELINE:
Okay.
JESSE:
You ready? Okay.
(get off the car)
CELINE:
...So, I wanna try something.
JESSE
What?
CELINE:
(hold Jesse) I wanna see if you stay together or if you dessolve into molecules.
JESSE:
...How am I doing?
CELINE:
...Still here.
JESSE:
Good, I like being here.
CELINE:
(smiles)....
JESSE:
....Is this your apartment?
CELINE:
Oh, no. I live down there.
JESSE:
D, down there?
CELINE:
Yeah.
JESSE:
Ah, monsieur, I'm gonna walk her to her door. Uh....
(Celine talks French to the driver and start walking to the door)
JESSE:
...This is incredible. This is where you live?
CELINE:
Yeah.
JESSE:
How long have you been here?
CELINE:
Four years.....So tell me....
JESSE:
What?
CELINE:
Is it all true about your dreams or, did you just say that to hopefully get in my pants?
JESSE:
Oh, I just said that to get into your pants.
CELINE:
Oh.
JESSE:
I use that all the time. (laugh)
CELINE:
Oh, okay. Does it work?
JESSE:
Uh, you know, sometimes.
CELINE:
...Here is my kitty. Oh, so cute. Look at him. You know what I love about this cat? Every morning I bring him down to the courtyard, and every single morning he looks at everything like it was the first time. Every corner, every tree, every plant. Smells everything with his little cute nose. Oh, I love my kitty. I love my kitty.
JESSE:
What's his name?
CELINE:
Che.
JESSE:
Che?
CELINE:
Um-hmm.
JESSE:
Uh-huh.
CELINE:
What?
JESSE:
Commie.
CELINE:
(laugh) No, "che" in Argentina means "hey."
JESSE:
Okay.
CELINE:
Yes.....Oh, baby. Oh, yes-yes-yes....We're having a little party. It's so much fun. (talk to her neighbors in French)
JESSE:
......You know what? I was thinking, um, would you play me one of your songs?
CELINE:
You're gonna miss your flight.
JESSE:
I won't. I won't, I won't. I'll be sitting there in the airport over an hour reading newspaper, alright? Wishing you'd played me one of your songs.
CELINE:
One song?
JESSE:
Yeah.
CELINE:
Okay, but quickly.
JESSE:
Okay.
(get in the building)
JESSE:
God, I love these old staircases.
(walk up the stairs quietly. reach the door of her room)
CELINE:
Hold this.
JESSE:
What? For me? Hey, buddy.....Che.
(get in her room)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
7
還好有人知道
- 這總比去搭地鐵好吧？
- 是啊
我一直在想
我還是不要把事情過度浪漫化了
我一直在為此所苦
我還有很多夢想未完成
都是和愛情都不相關的
這不會讓我覺得難過
但事實就是這樣
這就是你為什麼總是和
不在身邊的人交往的原因嗎？
是啊，顯然我沒辦法好好面對
那種彼此每天面對面的愛情
是的
我們確實有過快樂的相處時光
之後他離開了，我也很想他
但還不至於就覺得心碎
若有人一直在我身邊
我會有種窒息的感覺
等等，你剛才不是還說
你需要愛與被愛嗎？
是啊，但是一旦真的這樣
很快就會讓我覺得厭煩
像是種災難
我是說，只有我一人獨處時
我才會真正覺得開心
孤單一人甚至比坐在情人身邊
卻感覺孤單要好
我不是那種浪漫主義者
如果是以浪漫開始
而後經歷幾次失敗以後
你忘卻了原有對愛情的憧憬
承受著隨後對生活所造成的影響
也不完全是這樣
我連這種經歷都沒有
有的只是些
可有可無的愛情
他們並不壞
很照顧我
但是卻沒有真正的契合
或令我雀躍的地方
起碼在我的立場來說並沒有
噢，是嗎？
真的這麼糟嗎？
應該不是
對吧？
你知道嗎？
本來是沒事的
直到我看了你那本爛書以後
這書吹皺了一池春水
你知道嗎？
它提醒了我，我對浪漫曾經抱持著
何等誠實的態度
我對萬事萬物存有
多大的希望
但現在，我卻不再相信
任何與愛情有關的一切
我不再對任何人有所感情
某種程度上，我把我所有的浪漫
感覺全都投注到在那一晚
我已經沒有辦法再有
那樣的感覺了
就好像…
那一夜奪走我了一切
我全都給了你
然後你便全都帶走
讓我覺得寒心
彷彿那份愛並不屬於我似的
我不認為是這樣的
我不認為是這樣的
你知道嗎？對我來說
現實和愛情幾乎是彼此矛盾的
說來可笑，曾和我交往過的男人
現在都結婚了
我和他們交往、分手
然後他們結婚去了
隨後他們打電話來謝謝我
讓他們了解到愛情的真諦
讓他們學會
去關心並且尊重女人
- 我想我大概就是其中之一了
- 我想殺了他們！
他們為什麼不向我求婚呢？
也許我會拒絕，但至少該試試啊
不過，問題出在我自己
因為我覺得真命天子還沒有出現
從來沒有！但到底何謂真命天子呢？
是一輩子的愛嗎？
這種想法真是愚蠢
能和一個人共度一生，生命才會完整
- 真讓人討厭，對吧？
- 我可以說句話嗎？
我想，我已經心碎太多次
接著又會再復原
所以，現在
從一開始我就不願再付出
- 因為我知道不會有好結果的
- 你不能這樣，你不能這樣
你的生活
不能只想著如何避免受傷
- 它的代價…
- 知道嗎？就是這些鬼話！
我必須要離開你
- 停車！我要下車
- 不不，不要…不要下車
- 我們再繼續聊吧
- 都是你！
不要碰我！
我想去搭計程車
不不不，不要
繼續開，繼續…
聽著，我真的很開心…
謝謝你，繼續開就是了
好了
聽著，我真的很開心
可以和你在一起
我很高興
你沒把我給忘了
嗯，我沒忘
就是這一點讓我很生氣
你來到巴黎
一身浪漫，已婚
好嗎？
去你的！
不要誤會
我不期望你給我些什麼
我是說，原來我需要的
都是已婚的男人
有太多心裏的感覺
已經不再是因為你的關係了
而是那一刻已經永遠過去了
你會這樣說，是因為你連我們
曾上過床都不記得，所以…
我當然記得了
- 是嗎？
- 是的
- 女人是會這樣假裝的
- 是嗎？
我該怎麼說呢？難道要我說
我記得公園裏的紅酒…
說我們望著流星劃過
太陽升起嗎？
我們還做愛兩次啊
你這個白癡！
好了，知道嗎？
我真的很開心，能再見到你
即使你變成了一個
脾氣很糟的激進份子
我還是喜歡和你在一起
我也喜歡和你在一起，對不起
我不知道怎麼回事，我…
- 我需要發洩一下
- 沒關係啦
我的感情世界
實在是太悲慘了
我總像是…
整個人被剝離了似的
我的心像要死去一般
因為我已經變得麻木
感覺不到痛楚或激情
甚至沒有一絲苦澀，我就是…
你以為心已死的是你嗎？
我的生活是分分秒秒
都很糟糕的
- 真抱歉
- 不不
我是說，我唯一開心的事
只有在和兒子一起出去的時候
我曾找過婚姻諮詢專家
我做過一些從沒想過
必須做的事
點蠟燭、買些情趣書
女人的睡衣
- 蠟燭有用嗎？
- 真該死，沒用！
我並不是用
她所要的方式去愛她
我甚至看不到我們的未來
但當我看著我的小兒子…
就坐在桌邊，面對著我
我想，我願意承受任何痛苦
只為了能陪伴他度過
生命中的每一時刻
我不想錯過任何機會
但此後
家裏就沒有了歡笑
- 我不希望他在那樣的環境下成長
- 沒有歡笑？真糟糕
我爸媽在一起35年了…
即使會吵架
最後也都是歡笑收場
我不想變成那種到了歲
才離婚的人
淚流滿面地說
從沒真正愛過自己的另一半
覺得自己的生活像被吸塵器…
吸乾了一般
我希望自己有個美好人生
我也希望她有個美好人生
這是她該擁有的
但我們不過就是為了所謂的婚姻
和責任而在一起生活
你也了解的，就是那些
世俗眼中該有的生活方式
但我…
我還有一些夢…
什麼夢？
我還有些夢…
就是…
我站在月台上
你不斷搭著火車從旁經過…
你經過、經過、經過
不停的經過
然後我了醒過來
一身的冷汗
我又做了另一個夢…
噢，你懷孕了
裸身躺在我身邊
然後我很想摸你
但你不准，眼光還看向一旁
但，我還是摸了你…
摸了你的腳踝，你的皮膚好柔軟
我醒了，也哭了
我妻子坐在那裏看著我
我感覺離她好遠好遠
我知道有點不對勁
我…
天啊！
我的生活不能這樣繼續下去了
應該有更多值得去愛的
而不單只是承諾而已
但我卻又想了
也許我會放棄…
放棄所有對愛情的浪漫憧憬
我可能會放棄
只因為知道那天
你並不會出現
知道嗎？
我會放棄的
為什麼你要告訴我這些話呢？
對不起，我也不知道…
我…我…
我不應該說的
知道嗎？
奇怪的是
人們總以為
承受痛苦時刻的都只有自己
當我看你的文章時
我會以為你過得很好
太太、小孩
出過書的作家
但你的私生活
比我還要糟糕多了
抱歉
很高興這點還是有好的一面…
- 你…你住這裏嗎？
- 是的
所以，聽到我的狀況比你糟得多
你是不是感覺好多了？
對，你讓我感覺好多了
噢，很好
我很高興
沒有啦
我真的希望你過得很好
總不能因為我無法擁有
一段美好戀情或一個美好家庭
我就去詛咒別人和我一樣
我相信總有一天
你會是個很棒的媽媽
- 真的嗎？你這麼覺得？
- 是啊…
吃點抗憂鬱的藥
你就會很棒的
- 好，說「停」
- 哦，停！
好了
- 準備好了嗎？
- 好了
- 嗯…我想要做一件事
- 什麼？
我想知道你會保持原狀
還是會化成碎片
結果呢？
還好好的
很好
我喜歡這樣
這是你住的公寓嗎？
喔，不
還要再過去那裏
- 那裏嗎？
- 對
呃…先生
我要送她到她家門口
真是不可思議
- 你真的住在這裏？
- 是啊
- 住多久了呢？
- 四年
- 告訴我…
- 什麼？
你說的那些夢
是不是都是真的…
或只是希望
也許可以騙我上床罷了？
哦，我那樣說
不過是為了要騙你上床
- 我一直用這招的
- 哦，好，管用嗎？
有時候管用
我的小貓咪在那裏
哦，好可愛，看看牠！
你知道我喜歡
這隻貓的那一特點嗎？
每天早上我都帶牠到院子裏
每天早上牠的眼神
都像是第一次一樣
每個角落、每棵樹、植物
用她小巧可愛的鼻子嗅著
喔，我愛我的貓咪
我愛我的貓咪
- 牠叫什麼名字？
- 切
切？
- 幹嘛了？
- 共產黨
不是啦，「切」在阿根廷
是「嘿」的意思
- 了解
- 嗯
哦，寶貝
嗯，嗯，嗯
我們在開個小聚會
很有意思
- 那麼…
- 那麼…
知道嗎？我一直在想
你能不能唱一首你的歌給我聽？
- 你會趕不上飛機的
- 不會的
我會坐在機場裏
看一個小時的報紙
只願你曾經唱過一首歌給我聽
一首歌嗎？
好，但要快哦
好
噢
我喜歡這些古老的樓梯
- 抱一下
- 什麼，給我抱？
嘿，你好
好朋友
切
