LYNNVAN

3.4
KAREN: [ENTERING, CARRYING A SHOPPING BAG] Hi, honey. Sorry I'm late. I've been runnin' all over town, but I promise you it was work-related.
GRACE: You were shopping. How is that work-related?
KAREN: Honey, I was avoiding work. I mean, really, sometimes I just-- You're not...

KAREN: Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup... Watch your mouth, or I'll wash it out with cheap vodka. That's my little girl you're talkin' about. Now, Grace is a damn good role model-- She's bright, she's successful, she's the worst dresser in the whole, wide world. She's talented, and I look up to her. Honey, why else would I be here?

3.5
GRACE: Oh... I'm sorry. [GRACE SPITS THE GUM INTO KAREN'S HAND] I'm just a little nervous. I'm breaking up with Ben, tonight.
KAREN: Well, what's the problem, Grace? He's not gay?
GRACE: No, he's--great. He's just not right.
KAREN: Of course he's not white. Sheesh...
3.6
KAREN: [ON PHONE] Yeah, you're a wicked little schoolboy to be talking to me like this in the middle of a work day. I'm gonna make you stay after school and bang the erasers. Ok, ok, yeah. Yeah, you like it rough. Don't you, you dirty little monkey? Yeah. Next time I see you, I'm gonna bend you over my knee-- [KAREN NOTICES THAT WILL AND GRACE HAVE WALKED IN.] Oh, crap, I gotta go. Mom and mom are home.
WILL: Now we know how she's making that extra $2.95 per minute.
3.7
KAREN: [ENTERING] Hi, guys. Sorry I'm late, but I wanted to make sure I missed most of dinner.
3.10
JACK: Why isn't there any coffee?!
KAREN: Same reason you don't have a wife and three kids. It's the way God wants it.

3.11
KAREN: Good lord. I can't believe I'm at a public pool. Why doesn't somebody just pee directly on me?

5.1
KAREN: [SIGHS] The only thing I can do... I'm gonna tell Mr. Banks to take a hike, and I'm gonna wait for my man to get sprung because, let's face it, Stanley Walker may not be a handsome man and he may not be a charming man...
That's it.
5.2
KAREN: No. Thank God my boobs are like arms. I was able to distract Stan with one of them, while the other one motioned for Lionel to get out the door!
5.3
KAREN: Oh, hey. Somebody got some flowers, huh? Or as I like to call them, poor people's jewelry.
KAREN: Well, sure it will, honey. The gays love their presents. Yeah, just wave something shiny in front of their faces, you can get whatever you want. That's how we got Manhattan from the gay Indians.


5.4
KAREN: I know, honey. Grace is driving me nuts, too. She can't concentrate on work anymore. Mm-mm. She just sits around all day, doodling pictures of people's houses on these enormous sketch pads. And then, she's on the phone all the time, ordering furniture? Honey, where's she gonna put all that, huh? In these "houses" she's drawing? Oh...

5.8
KAREN: So, if you wanna break into the fag four, this symbol of gay oppression has to go.
5.11
KAREN: Hey, you're not Santa Claus. Close, though. You got a couple of white hairs sproutin' outta your chin, and you look like you just came down the chimney.


KAREN: Oh, Jackie, look at all this food. We are so blessed.
JACK: I know. There are poor people who dream their whole lives of a meal like this.
KAREN: [GASPS] Honey, I know what we should do. Let's take a picture of us eating and show it to them.
JACK: Wow, Karen, you are like a female Jesus.
5.12
[KAREN INTRODUCES GRACE, WILL, JACK AND ELLIOT TO MILO.]
KAREN: And this is Red, Homo, Homo, and Boy.

5.13
KAREN: Oh... [SIGHS] So, Wilma, honey, listen. I forget, what are you these days, gay or straight?
[WILL GIVES KAREN A PUZZLED LOOK.]
KAREN: Wait, wait, wait. Let me do a little test. Okay, there's a penis and a vagina in a tent. And it's on fire. Which do you save?


KAREN: Yeah, well, you're no prize pig yourself. You got a layer of pink flab, a pug nose, a squiggly little tail--Hey, wait, maybe you are a prize pig! [SNORTS]

5.21
[KAREN KNOCKS ON THE GLASS WINDOW OF A DRYER.]
KAREN: Where are the fish?
JACK: No, Karen. It is a "laundry-mat." People come here to clean their clothes. Then, they reuse them.
KAREN: Why, poor people are just plain clever. I wonder why they can't figure out a way to make more money.

5.22
KAREN: Well, I didn't know. I just assumed that you and I were friends. Well, I'll show you, missy. I'll get another lawyer. A better lawyer. A gayer lawyer!

5.23
MINISTER: Stanley Walker touched so many people's lives. He was a wonderful husband, a loving father, a respected businessman. His absence will leave a huge void in our lives that cannot possibly be filled.
KAREN: [ROLLS HER EYES] All right, enough with the fat jokes.

6.1
This morning, we swiped their jet ski. That's Russian for jet ski.

6.2
GRACE: She is beautiful. She's funny. She's smart. She's like my twin.
KAREN: Yeah. Right honey. Just like Randy Quaid is Dennis Quaid's twin.

6.5
JACK: No, Karen! You can't write the answers on your boobs!
KAREN: Why not? It's the only place in a gay bar that nobody's gonna look.

6.6
LYLE: Or we can make an arrangement. Perhaps for every kiss you give me, I could give you a piece of information.
KAREN: That's outrageous! You must think I'm a common whore! So, do you want my top on or off?
LYLE: Well, I'm a gentleman. So why don't you keep it on, and I'll rip it off?
6.7
KAREN: This is the strangest looking condom I've ever seen. Why, what an oddly-shaped penis the doctor must have.
WILL: That's a latex glove. It goes on his hand.

KAREN: Dear Lord, if I'm okay, I promise I will dedicate the rest of my life to serving you.
[WILL OPENS THE ENVELOPE AND LOOKS OVER THE DOCUMENTS.]
WILL: It says here you're fine.
[KAREN OPENS HER HAND TO REVEAL THAT HER FINGERS WERE CROSSED.]
KAREN: Ha-ha, fall for it again, God. [LAUGHS]

KAREN: Honey. I know it's scary. Hey, when I started working in the corporate world of Grace Adler Designs, I was terrified. Would she like me? Would I be good at my job? And now look at me, honey. I'm one of the richest women in the world. Yes, there's no connection. But if you pause in the right places and emphasize the right words, it sounds very inspiring.

6.8
KAREN: Okay, kids, we're back from the airport. Now listen, before Grace comes in, I just want to tell you she's been through a lot. So don't say anything about her brassy red hair and chapped face. Let's try to be nice, okay? She's still the same slutty, flat-chested Grace we grew up with.
6.10
KAREN: All right! I believe it's time for the annual Christmas bonus. [GIGGLES] And here it is.
[KAREN HANDS GRACE A CHECK.]
GRACE: Wow! $1,000! Thank you!
KAREN: You know, a secretary on the second floor told me that the boss usually gives the bonuses.
GRACE: Karen, are you gonna believe those women? They're the same people who told you you shouldn't be paying for my health coverage.
6.11-22

6.23
[JACK PUTS HIS OTHER HAND ON TOP OF WILL'S HAND.]
[KAREN RUNS UP TO WILL AND JACK AND PULLS THEIR HANDS APART.]
KAREN: Oh, cut that out. You wanna get us all killed?


KAREN: How blessed am I that I get to share this wonderful occasion with the people that I love the most?
[EVERYONE PUTS THEIR ARMS AROUND EACH OTHER AND MOVE CLOSER.]
ALL: Cheese!
KAREN: All right, now one without the queers.



ROSARIO: I can't tell you how proud I am to be part of your special day.
KAREN: Oh, well, you are a part of it, Rosie. That's why I want you to walk into that chapel, get down on your hands and knees with some Endust and a shammy and makes those floors shine.
ROSARIO: You said I was your bridesmaid.
KAREN: No. [LAUGHS] I said you're the bride's maid. Now get!

WILL AND GRACE 1998

    留到最后，怕无法表达我对它的感情，怕无法表达我对它的怀念，怕文字太过无力苍白......
     就让它留在我的记忆里而不是文字中吧。

KAREN~~~~~~~~~~~~`

GRACE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WILL~~~~~~~~~~~~~

JACK~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

...

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES 2004

    一直很喜欢这部剧，罢工结束复播后一直很乖的在追，很喜欢的额一部剧。
    SEASON1是这部剧最好的一季，搞笑的搞笑，讲故事的讲故事，讲道理的讲道理，五个女人各司其职。SEASON2具体讲什么早忘了，只记得LYN去工作了，家庭工作两头大，记得有一次为了让她老公搞家务把一只老鼠放到家里，把她老公下个半死赶紧乖乖的打扫卫生还一个劲地觉得内疚。。。嘻嘻。。。聪明地女人，只是总有些人说她自私。。哪里嘛。。。哼~~~第三季几乎就不记得了，SEASON4因为刚看完还有印象，只是觉得K家的 秘密没有想象的雷，故事编的也没那么圆。。不过S4的结尾还是把我雷到了，场景转换到五年以后，GABY成了黄脸婆，有两个巨丑的女儿（貌似又没素质 了），K的女儿订婚了，BREE成了职业妇女，LYN家的双胞胎成了少年犯，最雷的是SUSAN，回家叫了声 HONEY,I'M HOME 然后一个BRAIN出来了———那个QAF里迷倒众男人的BRAIN~~~~
    唉~~期待SEASON5~~~~

GOSSIP GIRL 2007

    看这剧绝对是应了我那句话，老百姓图的就是高兴。看着这剧中男男女女们爱来爱去，斗来斗去，光鲜时尚的衣服鞋子，养眼的帅哥美女，...还图个什么呢
    这剧在我们班掀起了GG热，每天晚自习就有一帮人围在一起讨论，谁和谁会在一起，这个人真贱，那个人真帅之类的...而我经常很没素质的剧透...记得那次告诉她们ERIC出柜和ASHER在一起，呵呵，她们被狠狠地雷到了。。。
    喜欢SERENA，LILY&RUFUS，还有CHUCK。。。

ALLY MCBEAL 1997

    也许这是最让我哭啊笑啊的剧集了，只是网上只有第一季的资源，于是跑去买盗版碟看了剩下的四季。
    这篇文章写得太好了，所以粘过来了  by mac
    最初只听过Ally Mcbeal大名，而完全对剧集本身一无所知时，想当然地以为这无非是一部俊男靓女在写字楼里纠缠不清的养眼爱情片。其实这么描述Ally Mcbeal原则上也还算正确，可是却会忽略掉其最重要的特点，这群“俊男靓女”一个比一个缺心眼，导致此剧简直就是一freak show 。

美国人对傻大姐的喜爱全世界都知道，所以美剧里的女主角们多多少少都有点傻大姐的成分，Ally就是一典型。

故 事从Ally因为忍受不了公司同事的性骚扰而来到大学同学开的律师事务所工作开始。在那里，两个老板是爱把“by gones”当成口头禅并且迷恋女人颈部的大学同学Richard，以及爱在法庭上发出各种响声或者赤脚思考问题并且手拿自动马桶冲厕器当玩具使的 John，八卦包打听并且热爱发明各种希奇古怪玩意的秘书Elain，还有S2新加入的满脸堆笑却冷若冰霜的美女Nell，还有她那说话刻薄爱告人能以眼 杀人的朋友Ling，以及Ally的初恋男友，Billy，和他的妻子Georgia。

一方面和初恋男友一起工作已经够戏剧化的了，更何况还有人家老婆在旁边，再搭配着那几个古怪的同事，Ally Mcbeal可讲的故事实在太多了。

然 而，出乎我意料的是，虽然主线的确是在Ally和Billy两人间纠缠不清的关系上作文章，但本剧的副线显然更精彩，因此Ally虽然是绝对女主角，但 Billy却只能算男N号而已。这不由让我联想到颇有点类似的Grey’s Anatomy，主线也是Meredith和Derek在纠缠不清，可是纠缠到后来，实在架不住到了瓶颈，引得无数美剧迷在那儿吼，怎么现在GA那么穷摇 啊。Ally就没有这个问题，因为显然观众更愿意看那些有趣的副线情节，而事实是，编剧在后期也的确越发弱化了Ally和Billy那条“主线”，当然 了，谁让人家Georgia贤良淑德能包容呢，纠缠归纠缠，有这么一老婆在旁边，Billy是怎么样也不可能和Ally有结果的。

那么，这个我所谓更精彩的副线究竟是什么呢？说白了，还是和GA类似，GA那是披着医学的外衣讲男女关系，而比它早8年的AM，则是披着法律的马甲说同样的事。

美 剧中鲜少有爱的死去活来的纯爱剧，这应该和看美剧的观众有很大关系吧，人家那里还沉迷爱情幻想中的小年轻根本没空看电视呀~~但是讲男女关系的剧，那就不 是一般的多了。要怎么样才能让这个话题言之有物呢？找一个有料可讲的附着物就很重要了，在本剧中，法律就是这么一附着物。

AM有一中文名 曰“律政俏佳人”，但千万不要被这个名字迷惑而以为这是一出“律政剧”。AM中的案子要多古怪有多古怪，从状告上帝不公平，到号称自己性成瘾要求取消9年 的婚姻，再到Ally因为裙子短而被控藐视法庭等等等等，基本上，再怎么离奇的案子最终的高潮都是Ally和伙伴们最后面对陪审团那动之以情用“爱”来论 证的结案陈词，而案子的成败与否基本就看AM想要告诉给观众的究竟是什么了。AM看多了，“objection”或者“Unacceptable”简直成 了最熟悉的词。

当然，如果仅仅只是这些的话，AM大概并不会成为流传至今的一部经典之作。它成功的一些具体的细节是必须要知道的。

譬 如说Ally的幻想，从最初看着唠叨的Elain幻想她越涨越大的脑袋，到那个时不时出现的跳舞的小人，又或者是看到俊男在身边是幻想自己的舌头伸长地足 够去舔人家，又或者甩人或被甩的时候脑子里那个垃圾车的“抛人三步曲”等等等等。电视将角色的心理活动形象地表现出来，这是此剧的一大特色，为其增加了相 当多的笑点。

再然后就是那个男女共用厕所了。但凡该类剧集总要有一个能把所有角色聚在一起发生点什么的场所。AM没有把它设定为公共休息 室或者办公室，那样的话怎么能和本剧这怪异的氛围配合起来呢，所以就有了这么一个男女共用厕所。无论谁在那里说谁的悄悄话，总有相关的人恰好在小隔间里又 恰好把腿抬起躲过检查而听到些不该听到的话，或者被John那个自动冲厕器给白吓一场。很难想象如果没有这个共用厕所，AM得少发生多少事情。Ally在 里面的无数次被吓，无数次跌倒，John在里面无数次地随着他脑中Barry White的歌声跳他那怪异的舞蹈，还有Ally Georgia Nell还有Ling那场四女乱战，又或者John那只可怜的从马桶里爬上后却被Nell和Georgia扔成昏迷的树蛙，等等等等。共用厕所之于AM， 就像Central Perk之于Friends一般，意义非凡。

前面也提到了John的一大特点是喜欢在法庭上弄出各式各样的声音分散 陪审团的注意力，这些声音种类齐全啊，最初的醒鼻涕声，鞋垫声在后来看来简直小儿科，John甚至会以自己喉咙不适为由要用小喇叭来代替自己喊 “objection”，又或者是敲锣的玩具猴子，甚至是喷火枪。要是有人以为现实生活中的法官真能容忍这一切，那显然是太过天真了，所以说，这部电视剧 只是借用了下法律的形式，其核心，是真的和法律无关。

John这个其貌不扬的男配（strange little man）正是由于这些特别表现而显得那么突出。与此同时，女配里，自然也会有这么个出彩的角色，不二人选就是刘玉玲扮演的Ling。初看来，只以为 Ling是个爱告人并且爱用凶狠眼神扫人的刻薄女人，随着剧情的深入，这个角色越发饱满，Ling可以把很多别人看来办不成的事情办到，Ling的摇摆舞 跳的很好，Ling甚至自己就是个律师，况且她虽然说话刻薄，却句句是真理。她那句“Don’t Ling me”再配上那“凶狠”的眼神，简直爆笑到极点。称John为“strange little man”的正是Ling。

当然，本片直接 拿女主角的名字Ally Mcbeal来当片名，肯定说明了这个角色的重要性。就和本文开头说到的一样，基本上，Ally就是个傻大姐，一个苦苦追寻爱情，又时不时怀疑自己的可爱 的傻大姐。她可以为了摆脱某个无趣的追求者而和情敌Georgia热吻扮同性恋，可以面对当年交往过的教授的妻子以谎言安慰她，可以鼓励John勇敢追求 爱情，可以为Elain求刻薄的Ling帮忙，等等等等，因此，虽然Ally在感情上过多的纠结（废话，要不电视剧拍什么~）但却并不招人烦。

最 后，不得不说一下，本剧中可不光这帮主要角色“怪异”，几乎可以说，在剧中出现的角色都或多或少有点不太正常。Richard的前女友，法官 Whipper，还有那个老爱看人牙的老法官Happy，John介绍给Ally的那个老爱打灯光唱歌的心理医生Tracy，甚至布鲁斯威利斯扮演的只是 客串了一集的凶狠心理医生，以及Rosie O’Donal 客串扮演的那个婚姻咨询师等等。不过喜剧嘛，角色总是越怪越好，故事越离奇越好，生活中我们见惯了正常人正常事，唯有在这些天马行空的故事里，才能搏得现 代人越来越少的那点笑意。

如果想要轻松一下，顺便讨论讨论男女关系，Ally Mcbeal不失为一个好选择，而且早已完结的它也不会让你一个礼拜一个礼拜等的心急。

UGLY BETTY 2006

    又一部不知道怎么就看完的美剧，也不知道自己喜不喜欢。。汗。。多半是喜欢那对活宝MARC&AMANDA吧。
    有时候觉得自己变成机器，用那么多的时间看完时却已经忘了大部分的剧情，回想自己看过的那么多美剧，看完了又有什么呢，它们带给过我的欢笑，泪水如今过去了几乎什么也没有留下，然而现在去可惜又有什么用，时间已经被错误的投资于是只能拼命在无价值中寻找价值，现实总是不能让我满意于是在影像中寻得逃避，我又在逃避什么，哼，又是那个我逃避了很久的东西吧...