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这个应该不是刺杀里根那个男子吧

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Dear Jodie Foster... a.k.a. Woman Who Attracts Men with Guns, Bombs
Article Date: 03/12/2008
By Ross von Metzke


My, my, my—the powers of your feminine wiles. With your piercing blue eyes and your flaxen, multi-layered bob cut, men just cave at the mere sight of you. How else can you explain two loonies in one lifetime… one who shot the president in your honor, the other, an obsessed fan who felt planting a bomb at a Van Nuys Airport might just get your attention.
Don’t they know you’re spoken for—love to C and the kids.

What kind of world is this, Jodie, where a woman like you—shy yet brave, quiet yet well spoken, removed yet educated—is riddled with guilt at the idea that you've seemingly persuaded a certain type of man to abandon all sense of right and wrong in your honor?

Is it because you refuse to live your life in the public eye, fodder for a man on the edge to try and drive you out of hiding? Might an US Weekly cover shoot or a skinny-dipping romp with C in the Beverly Wilshire’s pool strip away the mystery for these men? Why not go all out and take a family day trip to the Pleasure Chest? Is that what these men really want out of you?

Between you and me—I get it! Hell, if someone shot the president in my honor, I might go underground too. And if someone was making bomb threats and alluding to more than a passing fancy for me and my loved ones, I’d probably stay there.

I know Out and Advocate and renegade reporters round the world want you to proudly declare “I’m gay” like Melissa and k.d. during the first Clinton administration, and I’d be lying if I thought it might not help the cause, but I wouldn’t want my family in that line of fire, no matter how much good it might do.

So, rather than planting the seed for your kids to bring mommy and mommy to show and tell for all the world to report on, stick to what you do best. Go develop a movie about some recluse who hides from an obsessed fan in a secure room inside a plane in mid flight. Said fan, of course, wants to shoot the pilot and set off a gas bomb in her honor, only to have her turn the tables and track him down with a Doberman and a musket. Sounds like a smash hit to me, and I think the thinly veiled message of feminism and revenge will come shining through.

I, in turn, will continue to go to bat for your right to stay private and not wind up a Lindsay Lohan, 20 years later, dodging flashbulbs right and left as you attempt to maneuver your way out of the backseat of a limo without your beaver winding up online.

In the meantime, continue to do your part here and there—showing up at the big Trevor Project to do with a check was a huge step forward, and thanking C at those Hollywood awards was a nice touch. You don’t need to talk the talk, just walk the walk, and psycho men with an addiction to public ridicule and punishment be damned. Don’t change a thing about the way you live, Jodie.

Though if you have any guys willing to rough up the current president in your honor, might I suggest a blind cc to a vigilante?

Much Love - Ross